"Am I audible?"...What's Next..."Am I visible?"

I recall... I see, that's one of the romantic(?) moments of my life! Finally, I did it (rather, had to do it!) - My First! The incident dates back to 2000 AD...

"You know, I called you for an important task. You'll be taking the tutorial for ESC101 tomorrow! I guess, you are aware of the schedule and the tutorial-hall! Any questions?". A minutes silence... and I felt like one of the shocks of my life! My face went pale. I whined "Bb..but, I am not prepared, sir...". "Why? You do not need any preparation for taking a tutorial of an elementary course like this! I guess you attended the Lectures, right?". As if, all of a sudden, a gorgeous fairy appeared in front of me and proposed me to marry her, I replyed bashfully "Nn..no sir. Actually I didn't...". "That's your problem (bam)! Anyways...now don't tell me, you don't know a programming language like C!". He looked furious!

Wow! What a situation! I could not say "Yes", a "No" was expected neither! The world believes silence means consent! "But sir, I have never taken any lecture or a seminar...". "Not yet! The first one has to be first! You are a PhD. student! Don't look for an excuse! All above, you are my TA!". silence....! "Don't worry. If you are so apprehensive about that, I'll be there when you commence and leave after a while as you pick up. I got to attend an important meeting! Any questions?". "...No sir...". And I was COMMITTED! I couldn't sleep throughout the night, with the excitement flowing through my veins!

Next day was full of rehearsal sessions, planning and what not! The clock ticked "4:30" and I left my hostel room. It was my first one! So I made myself fully armed, with all sorts of notes and plans! A bag hung on my back was giving me a school-boy look. I had every thing in my brain inscribed! "How to start", "What to say next", so on. As I was nearing the spot, I felt my heart throbbing faster!

I reached the destination five minutes before the commencement. I got enough time to get my nerves back to normal. I tried all sorts of breath techniques I learnt in a Yoga session to get myself back to the state of composure. It was a nice Tutorial-Hall-comlpex, green all around; the architecture worth watching! And I noticed some chaos around. Students coming out of some hall, some leaving the complex, few entering. The hall I was supposed to occupy was getting vacated. And another set of students started gathering near the entrance. I heard some moaning about the gruelling previous lecture, some discussing a problem from a previous tutorial...This one dragged my attention "Did you see him before?"..."No yar! Looks like a new entry...a late comer (sarcastic smile!)". They thought I was one of them! Yes, neither I've seen my students, nor have they seen their tutor! It was my first one, you know! So was their!

The class was vacant... students waiting outside... and I! I was eagerly waiting for the gentleman (the professor, excuse me!) to come and keep his commitment! Five minutes passed by! And I was all but murdered! I was too shy to yell "Hey you all! I am your tutor!!". "Looks like, this time as well he has forgotten to show us his face!", "Common yar, when will our tutorial start? Five lectures gone by and not a single tut yet!", "Let's go to our hostels and enjoy snacks",... many more, and I was there to hear all of them. All my plans fell apart! I was still struggling to get myself introduced to them....

"What the Hell is this going on here?..." a loud, shrill voice cut clear the hum! At last he came, almost running. "You did not start yet? Now get in quickly and start! I gotta leave!". We rushed in. I felt like an extra-territorial creature standing near the board, being stared by all, like a strange piece in a museum! I am not finding the appropriate word to describe my state of mind! "Let me introduce Mr. Sujeet Banerjee. He is your tutor for the course Fundamentals of Computing. Please feel free to ask him any doubts. Now, I'll ask Sujeet to go through the topic briefly and invite questions.". Absolute silence... and as if everybody was eagerly wating to hear how 'this alien sounds like'!

I tried bringing myself down... recalled all my plans right from the start, all what I thought. And with all those battles going on inside my brain, this one came out of my mouth "Am I audible?..." A pause! I was expecting the students to respond and none did! It felt like I was waiting for a Command-Line-Input! He became restless "Come on! Now don't ask Am I visible?!". And there was a burst of laughter all around. I was completely murdered!

That was not the good start I was looking for! My eyes were almost wet and my heart filled with revulsion. Till today, the recall of that incident sends shivers to my body! Everything you do for the first time is important - after all, it's your first! I do take lectures still, although I am not in academic profession! And yes, I am not a PhD. either! I get pleasure in taking seminars, lectures. That's one of things I feel passionate about. Many have commented "You are a good orator, and you write pretty(?) as well!".

Testing Pic-Upload

This works too!



--- The Midnight Drunkards (that's tea!) ---

--- The Beach Battle ---

Thanks to Picasa and Hello!

"Hey!! What's your name?" and passes a wave of terror...!!

We came out of Smokin' Joe's Pizza, after having a feast (we don't have pizzas very often for dinner!) on to the footpath of JM Road (Pune). We were kind of absorbed in some philosophical talks about our lives, when all of a sudden my eyes struck a kid, sitting on a chair in an IceCream parlour next to "Smokin' Joe's". She was a cute (should I use beautiful; with my definition of beauty could possibly be differing), little, nursery kid, enjoying her chocolate-cone. For a while I couldn't keep my eyes away from her. She was accompanied by her grandparents (probably) and seemed ignorant of the rest of the world!

I went close to her and asked with tenderness 'Hey! What's your name?'. All of a sudden, as if, those surrounding her got alarmed. "beta (referred for youngesters).. tell your name!" pampered her grandparents. She, as if already sick and tired of answering such questions, turned her face away from them, concentrating on her ice-cream still. "beta...this is shame, you should tell your name when someone asks!" iterated her grandparents. But she stayed unmoved! Now came her parents (they were near by) as if to check her disobedience. "She does not look to be in mood right now!" said I in a flirting tone (well, just to ease off the situation a bit) as I started to depart. "say Good Bye, Beta!" pamperd the grandfather and she waved her tiny arms with full zest! She felt relaxed as if a storm of terror just passed by her, leaving her unhurt!

This was just another instance. I had experienced this many times. I felt the urge to talk to some nice, little kid and not finding any good thing to start with, I end up with "Hey! what's your name?". And (frankly) I always feel very bad afterwards, having 'terrorized' a kid!

I feel, there is a serious fault in the way we (as parents) impart basic education to our youngsters. We directly connect the performance of our youngesters to our prestige in the society! And this stereotypic education starts right from the time a child is born. I felt this when I was a kid. I recall the long practice sessions taken by my mom and dad about what to answer when someone asks "what's your blah blah...". And the worst part was I was not allowed to make a mistake when all those aliens (when my brain's sphere of acquaintance increased, I started calling them 'uncle' or 'aunt') ask the same damn question, else I'll be inviting a tough and a severe lesson back at home for the next round!

I pity those kids (I seemed to have terrorized) for getting them another lesson from their parents back at home, and myself for being taken as a terror-element (when the reality is, I couln't find a better and quick way to start a conversaition!).

Why can't parents take that in a cool spirit? Why do they take it on their prestige, if the child willingly or unwillingly does not speak out the correct answer they'd like to hear? Why can't they understand, a child's mind needs freedom to think and react and that forcing him/her would hamper his/her brain growth and confidence to face the world! I find this ridiculous on parents' part.

--- To all of us, when we become parents!

Passion versus Decision

Hmmm... I am not trying to draw any contrast between the two. Rather, it's just about my own decisions and passions, especially because they always(perhaps) have been conflicting.

If I am to give an instance, that'd be my being passionate about designing Missiles, Rockets, space-crafts, Robots etc. To put it precisely, during my childhood I used to draw fancy pictures of these out of my wild imagination, with a dream of developing them in real, someday when I grow up. If I see now, I am in a business that has no link to any of these activies. Nor do I see any possibility of me moving in those areas. If I look back, my career decisions at crucial times never supported my passions (which, ofcourse, were too wild as well).

At a very young age only, I had a very good aptitude in visualizing how variours examples of simple and complex machines, we see in our daily life, work. Along with that, I had deep interest in Electronics. But when it came to choosing my discipline for the Undergraduate course, I chose Computer Science (despite having all the options open)!

Whatever, I do not fret it. I still have the same desire of creation, but rather in a different field. I still have the same passion of designing wild things those shake up the world (No! I dont have any intensions to build viruses that create havoc! Don't worry). I believe, I'd make correct decisions that'd help me see myself as Software-Architect few years from now.

By the way, I still dream of developing missiles and War-equipments which none(no country) in this world could possess. The pace with which India(ISRO and DRDO) is progressing towards building indigenous Missiles and war-equipments is pathetic. I want to see more and fast!

The two links I visit regularly:

• http://www.isro.org
• http://www.drdo.org